It Angers Me...

It angers me when she plays the victim . The real victim is the child. Stop acting like a selfish, manipulative, greedy bitch. Think of your son. You are a person filled with hate and wants nothing but revenge. Im not sure exactly what your scheming but I dont believe in coincidences.

It angers me when you act like a saint, when you know perfectly well you are not. How dare you tell us how to act, look at your own actions, what kind of example are you setting? Hypocrite.

It angers me when you file for more money, when you all ready get more then a decent amount from him and make yourself to take care of not only your child but yourself. ... and how dare you use that money to buy yourself a car!

It angers me when you use the child as a way to threaten. Youve taken away his right to see him and also threaten with doing it again when you dont get what you want. Act like an adult!

Grow the fuck up all ready!!!

Still surprises me...

No matter how many times she talks trash about me it still surprises me... more so the fact that  she brin.gs her six year old into it. When Charlie said she told him about what a horribble father he was and even bad things about me I had trouble believing it...but whispers in the wind didnt lie  and now hearing it from the six year old himself, well its absolutely true.  Any shred of compassion I might have felt for her is gone ...i hate hypocrites... and mothers who treat their children the way she treats her son... .. and unlike her im not about to stoop so low as to bring in her six year old in the family fued...and tell him what I think of his mother...besides I know he likes me as a person aand allthough he might not know what to do or say when his mother expresses her anger and bitterness to him, hes said that he doesnt view me as a bad person...as Charlie said, he is a smart kid, he will figure out the truth on his own...

Buddha...

Forgot I wrote this back in the beginning... I just forgot to publish.. I'll try to remember this once again.


Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
-Buddha


It's hard not to have anger of my own. Why should I feel any less angry then you??? I was wronged as well... more so, I believe. I feel as though I never truly knew those I thought I knew. I try not to hold on to the anger because Buddha is right, the only person Im hurting is me. I dont want that. . . besides you have enough anger in you for the both of us... no need for me to carry any as well...

Anger, Fear, Hate...

In the last couple of weeks I've experienced all these and more... I write in this blog because this is probably not going to be all that cheerful. I will most likely speak of all types of "negative" feelings and thoughts Ive had. Some things I've spoken out loud... and have regretted in a way. I know Im human and I get angry and feel hate but after the storm I feel as though I am wrong at feeling this things... Does that make sense??? Im TRYING to express those feelings like a "Normal" person but I always feel as though Ive said too much or perhaps I havent expressed myself correctly. I feel as though I am burdening those I tell just by telling them. I am unsure as to when this started but from what Ive read and learned in school it stems from early childhood. I cant remember EVER talking about my feelings with another human being growing up. I remember talking to myself. I remember trying to figure out why? how? by discussing those feelings with me, myself and God. I would eventually figure it out but I wouldnt talk to anyone about my conclusions.

Its frustrating not being able to talk to someones without feeling remorseful... or feeling fearful... or thinking they dont care.

Its hard...

I've been very patient and even tempered and kind... but sometimes I just want to scream and yell and slap a few people... ok, maybe not slap, but put them in their place. I'm trying to be an adult but its hard when people who are also suppose to be adults, don't act like one. This isn't high school, and believe it or not I never even acted like that in high school, so it's even more unbelievable! I really do think some children act more like adults then their adults. It's very frustrating!

Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.

" Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret. "
Laurence J. Peter

I know I've mentioned this quote in my other blog but seeing as this fits the whole "Rant and Rave" thing I'd figure I'd use it to start this crazy blog.

I really like this quote because it's absolutely true! Yet not a lot of people regret their words though.
 Personally I like to think before I blurt out anything in anger. However, when I calm down, I still don't talk about the thing that made me angry or confront the person who made me angry. Which I know from my child development class is not good, because then you're bottling up all these emotions inside.

You see, I have the tendency to not speak when I'm angry... or sad... or annoyed or even happy... for the most part. When I get angry or upset (mostly "negative" feelings) I keep them to myself. I will think for awhile and be angry or annoyed or whatever and then get "over it". . . and while giving myself this time away from those who give me these negative feelings, I would think and mull over and make these absolutely great speeches in my head with the person(s) I'm angry at. Very articulate... but not always so nice but incredibly (I think) funny, smart, poised, classy, I'm right! kinda speeches/arguments. . . and then I would feel better and continue on with the normal routine ... that is until they annoy, anger, frustrate, etc etc. me again.

I'm working on that with Charlie. The whole communication thing is hard though. I didn't have too many experiences or opportunities to practice when I was a child. I lived in a household where "children should be seen, NOT heard" I noticed I am far more articulate in my head then in real life. LOL. I know it's because I haven't had that much practice but it seems so absurd that I can form what I wanna say nicely in my head but when it comes out of my mouth it's anything but .. I told Charlie I've never felt more like a child then this past year. One of the reasons being my inability to communicate and regulate my feelings. (this is usually learned as a child)

Anyways I think I got completely off track...lol. Where was I... ah yes: "Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret."
It amazes me how people can say such hurtful, hateful words to others in anger and go on about their day as if it was nothing. Personally Ive had people say such things to me... for what seems like all my life. Maybe that's why I try not to do the same... sometimes I do, do it though... after all, I can only take so much... yet unlike them I regret them afterwards . . . however Not saying anything at all isn't good either.

I'm learning to continue and improve my 'not saying things in anger' but I'm also learning that I still need to communicate those feelings in a productive way.

Gotta go... so much to do!!!

Happy Venting!!! <3