It Angers Me...

It angers me when she plays the victim . The real victim is the child. Stop acting like a selfish, manipulative, greedy bitch. Think of your son. You are a person filled with hate and wants nothing but revenge. Im not sure exactly what your scheming but I dont believe in coincidences.

It angers me when you act like a saint, when you know perfectly well you are not. How dare you tell us how to act, look at your own actions, what kind of example are you setting? Hypocrite.

It angers me when you file for more money, when you all ready get more then a decent amount from him and make yourself to take care of not only your child but yourself. ... and how dare you use that money to buy yourself a car!

It angers me when you use the child as a way to threaten. Youve taken away his right to see him and also threaten with doing it again when you dont get what you want. Act like an adult!

Grow the fuck up all ready!!!

Still surprises me...

No matter how many times she talks trash about me it still surprises me... more so the fact that  she brin.gs her six year old into it. When Charlie said she told him about what a horribble father he was and even bad things about me I had trouble believing it...but whispers in the wind didnt lie  and now hearing it from the six year old himself, well its absolutely true.  Any shred of compassion I might have felt for her is gone ...i hate hypocrites... and mothers who treat their children the way she treats her son... .. and unlike her im not about to stoop so low as to bring in her six year old in the family fued...and tell him what I think of his mother...besides I know he likes me as a person aand allthough he might not know what to do or say when his mother expresses her anger and bitterness to him, hes said that he doesnt view me as a bad person...as Charlie said, he is a smart kid, he will figure out the truth on his own...

Buddha...

Forgot I wrote this back in the beginning... I just forgot to publish.. I'll try to remember this once again.


Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
-Buddha


It's hard not to have anger of my own. Why should I feel any less angry then you??? I was wronged as well... more so, I believe. I feel as though I never truly knew those I thought I knew. I try not to hold on to the anger because Buddha is right, the only person Im hurting is me. I dont want that. . . besides you have enough anger in you for the both of us... no need for me to carry any as well...

Anger, Fear, Hate...

In the last couple of weeks I've experienced all these and more... I write in this blog because this is probably not going to be all that cheerful. I will most likely speak of all types of "negative" feelings and thoughts Ive had. Some things I've spoken out loud... and have regretted in a way. I know Im human and I get angry and feel hate but after the storm I feel as though I am wrong at feeling this things... Does that make sense??? Im TRYING to express those feelings like a "Normal" person but I always feel as though Ive said too much or perhaps I havent expressed myself correctly. I feel as though I am burdening those I tell just by telling them. I am unsure as to when this started but from what Ive read and learned in school it stems from early childhood. I cant remember EVER talking about my feelings with another human being growing up. I remember talking to myself. I remember trying to figure out why? how? by discussing those feelings with me, myself and God. I would eventually figure it out but I wouldnt talk to anyone about my conclusions.

Its frustrating not being able to talk to someones without feeling remorseful... or feeling fearful... or thinking they dont care.