Buddha...

Forgot I wrote this back in the beginning... I just forgot to publish.. I'll try to remember this once again.


Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
-Buddha


It's hard not to have anger of my own. Why should I feel any less angry then you??? I was wronged as well... more so, I believe. I feel as though I never truly knew those I thought I knew. I try not to hold on to the anger because Buddha is right, the only person Im hurting is me. I dont want that. . . besides you have enough anger in you for the both of us... no need for me to carry any as well...

Anger, Fear, Hate...

In the last couple of weeks I've experienced all these and more... I write in this blog because this is probably not going to be all that cheerful. I will most likely speak of all types of "negative" feelings and thoughts Ive had. Some things I've spoken out loud... and have regretted in a way. I know Im human and I get angry and feel hate but after the storm I feel as though I am wrong at feeling this things... Does that make sense??? Im TRYING to express those feelings like a "Normal" person but I always feel as though Ive said too much or perhaps I havent expressed myself correctly. I feel as though I am burdening those I tell just by telling them. I am unsure as to when this started but from what Ive read and learned in school it stems from early childhood. I cant remember EVER talking about my feelings with another human being growing up. I remember talking to myself. I remember trying to figure out why? how? by discussing those feelings with me, myself and God. I would eventually figure it out but I wouldnt talk to anyone about my conclusions.

Its frustrating not being able to talk to someones without feeling remorseful... or feeling fearful... or thinking they dont care.